i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just invented taco cereal.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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