Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
