SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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