We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
