I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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