you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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