She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
