did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
