Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
