I'm lost and stupid without you.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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