omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
