You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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