I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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