Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
