apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
