You made me cry and you don't even care
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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