i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I touched a dick in church today
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
