Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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