At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
