I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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