Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
