Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
