i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
