..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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