speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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