3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
