Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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