There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
