I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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