My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
