I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
