I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We need a shit load of segways right now
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
