Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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