How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
