Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
