How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
