this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
