so that wasnt chicken after all
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
