some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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