if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
