I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
