he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize