you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
