The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
