He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
