He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize