I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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