I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
