i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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