he thought i was a dude.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
