wrigley field is MILF paradise
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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