OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
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