I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
