I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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