I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
