I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
