we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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