I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
