i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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