i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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