Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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