in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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