You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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