Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
