You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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