a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
