I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
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Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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