Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
