$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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