I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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