3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
