You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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