He uses pillows to masturbate.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
