Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
