I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
