If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I can text with my tongue
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
