Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
