I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
