so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
